Love & Hatred
by sadanimelover
Summary: Jacob doesn't understand his feelings anymore. Life as a teenage-boy is hard. Billy tells him what he is to become, which only makes things worse and more complicated. He struggles through life, Bella is his light in the darkness. Male/male love included. I do not own twilight.


**I do not own Twilight, if I did Angela would indeed be a witch, Edward would have bought Bella a puppy which would have fallen in love with wolf-Jacob and Nessie would have been friends with the monster of Log Ness. Not really though ;). **

Love & Hatred

"What's wrong with me!" I shouted. I was driving on the highway, at high speed, half trying to get myself killed, again.

I stopped the car abruptly, I needed to tell her.

I searched Bella's number, but once I found it, I didn't dare to call her. Would she be ashamed? Be OK with it? And most important, would she still want me near her?

At that moment my phone rang.

"Jake?" I heard.

"Dad?" I knew it. He thinks he can explain what's happening to me, but I'm sure he can't. It's not goddamn puberty! With that I started the car.

"Jake, stop your car, please. I promise I'll explain this all to you, come home."

"It's not puberty!" I shouted through the phone.

"I never said it was."

I stopped my car at the middle of the highway. If a car had been behind me, it would have crashed. I hated myself, I was selfish, I pulled up the car and drove again, now slowly towards the forest.

"Jake, Jake what happened, are you alright? Talk to me." Billy was desperately trying to get a reply.

"I'm coming home dad." I gave in, again.

The moon was already high up in the sky when I came home. A police car was near our house, probably Charlie's.

I walked inside, where Bella tossed herself into my arms. I lifted her off of the ground and greeted her with a hug.

"Hey Bells, what's up?" My heart skipped a beat, feeling her soft hair, her body against mine.

"Jake I was so worried, where were you?" she asked when I released her.

I somehow ignored her question and greeted Charlie.

I took a seat next to Bella on the couch and spoke to her, as easily as I always did. I noticed my dad observing every move I made. We didn't talk about where I left to. I knew Bella was too nice ask.

When Charlie and Bella left I went to my room and shut the door tightly before Billy got a chance to talk to me.

"Jacob?" My dad asked, knocking on door. "I'd like to talk to you."

As soon as Bella left, I had felt this dark depression again. Like the sun had been faded away and dark clouds full of thunder had filled my personal sky.

"Dad, what's wrong with me?" I asked trying not to cry.

"Jake, I think your becoming one of the tribesmen. I, unfortunately, was not to be one, but your grandfather was. And I am proud, my son, proud that you'll be one of our tribe's protectors."

I opened the door.

"I think you are becoming a wolf."

"A what?" of course I knew the legend of our tribe, but I never thought it to be true.

"It's because of the cold-ones that you feel this way."

"You mean the Cullen-family?"

"Yes my son, they are the cold-ones. Because they are here, the wolf within us needs to come out."

"You're kidding right? I thought that was just, just some joke." I wanted it to be a joke, this would only make things worse and more complicated.

"We are their natural enemy, but the treaty prevents us from killing them and contrary wise them from killing us."

How could he just sit there and tell me that everything I believed was fake, is actually real?

"Jake you'll feel a lot of hatred against them, that's probably what your feeling right now."

No, that's not what I wanted to hear. That's not what I felt.

I slammed the door shut and crawled out off my window.

"Jacob! Jake!" I heard my dad call, as I sprinted towards the town. I needed Bella to distract me, I wanted her to fill my thoughts. As I got nearer, my thoughts filled itself with Bella. I could already smell her strawberry-shampoo and feel the warmth of her smile.

Just as I rounded the last corner I felt a familiar cold.

"Good evening, Jacob, was it?"

"What are you doing here?" I hissed.

"I could ask you the same. I, couldn't sleep and went for a walk."

He smiled because of his joke, a normal person wouldn't have understood, but I did. I knew the cold ones didn't sleep.

His beautiful smile disappeared as soon as it had come. "Were you going to see Bella?"

It was like he could read my mind.

"Why do you care?" I tried to say nonchalantly.

"Since I am her boyfriend." His perfect yellow eyes flared. His long black lashes indulged me.

I shook my head, trying to get it clear.

I didn't know what I was doing when I tried to grab his hand.

He'd already take a step backward, like he knew what I was going to do before I knew.

"Sometimes I wonder why, why would she choose a stone over a human?"

He grinned, he knew I knew. "Human you say?"

I growled. It was the first time I did.

His grin got bigger. Oh how I loved him looking like such a bad boy!

He seemed disgusted, and so was I.

I ran towards the nearest three, climbed it, and dropped myself. The moment I should've hit the ground I was caught by two strong cold arms.

It was the first time I touched a cold-one, the first time I touched Edward. The feeling of his cold arms made me alert, but knowing it was Edward, it also made my heart flutter.

The moment my mind spoke his name, it unleashed all sorts happy thoughts, just as with Bella. Only this time my thoughts were covered in blood.

He had held me for just half a second, but I had felt his cold skin, just thinking of it sends chills down my spine.

I hugged my knees and cried underneath the three. Why did I feel this way? I didn't want to feel this way! I shouldn't be in love with a cold-one!

"Stay alive, for Bella." his soft voice said as he disappeared into the night. I would, for now.

I cried until the sun set, that's when Charlie found me and drove me home. This was just the beginning.

* * *

Years later I understood why I loved her, and why I loved him. I loved the parts of them that made my true love, Renesmee. Edward never talks about that one evening, or my love for him, though I think his sister knows. Love and hatred are close, I thought while I held the three-years-old Renesmee in my arms. She opened her eyes, her big dark lashes indulged me, just like her father's had done. "I love you Jake." she said as she turned around and slept again. I love you too, my little deer, I love too.

* * *

**-Author Note- Hey there, well this is my opinion I'd like to share with you. Jacob claims that he has always loved Bella, because Renesmee was already part of her, well I thought, wait a minute, than he must have loved Edward too! It's not really my thing writing man/man love, though I'm not against it. **


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